很久很久没写了。

大脑一片空白，每天庸庸碌碌的活着。忘掉为什么，忘掉要什么，吃饭睡觉学习，就是那么活着。

对爱，我总是一个不断索取歇斯底里的人。前一秒犯错，下一秒后悔。前一秒光明，下一秒晦暗。是的，我不懂爱，我不会爱。

从来没有想过我可以和团子像到如此。对她的印象一直停留在高三的冬夜，那么坚强，那么勇敢，那么充满计划和决心。她永远都是那个上课带很多饼干，可以和很多人都成好哥们儿，和我在冬夜里傻到不行的一人吃一个五毛钱的棉花糖回家的人。我总觉得，她可以这么一直的勇敢下去，一直灿烂的笑，不管身后有没有肩膀，不管寒夜里有没有牵着她的手。

后来，一个人离开了家，再相聚，也只是在网上。只是觉得我的心一点一点变硬，懒得流泪，懒得微笑，懒得怨恨，而团子却从神话中走了出来，变成了一个会哭会迷惘会害怕的孩子。记得她第一次和我谈起她的感情，我当时真得很开心，因为她终于不是那个缺了一块的影像了。我最爱的女孩，终于也学会了柔软。

跌跌撞撞了这么久，我们都浑身是伤。当团子用轻描淡写的口气和我说她晚上上完自修，要一个人从燕园走回北医，连我妈妈都为这个披着坚硬的壳的女孩子心疼。在伤心的时候，她只有我们。可是我们就算牵着她的手，也不能陪她走完寒夜，也不能在她左右，给她幸福。她流泪的时候，我们除了无用的安慰，只能给她漠然。她每天都要微笑的看着世界，可是看着阳光时留下的泪，却没人能擦掉。

其实我怎么说，也只是站着，我还是不能给她足够的温度。但是有些话我还是想说，虽然我什么也不懂。有时候，不要想太多。没有人能看到永远。可是if you don't try, you'll never know。王菲的歌很美很华丽，可是我还是希望看到有所羁绊的你，笑得傻到一脸幸福的你。别缩在壳里了，因为即使受伤，still better than not pained, learning nothing。

团子你一定要幸福。

这首《迷魂记》送给你。

 

 

别叫我太感激你
药水色太精美
别要我吃出滋味
愉快得知觉麻痹
为甚么呵护我
当我痊愈了
可吃什么
为甚么感动我
等我难习惯
最低痛楚
怕什么怕爱人
扶着情感得到礼品总会敏感
怕甚么怕习惯豁出去爱上他人
但却不懂去弄完假再成真
别错碰我的手臂
毛管不够争气
别赐我太多福气
令美点都挂住你
为什么宠坏我
等我难习惯半掩被窝
怕甚么怕被迷魂
扶着感情得到细心只怕丧心
爱什么爱令我勇于报答太多人
但却不知道如何死里逃生

 

由于原文是英文，最近很忙，来不及翻译，希望有时间的同志帮着翻译一下。个人觉得本文非常非常地helpful，能让人发现日常思考的许多不好的习惯，并有助于改变你的人生态度。所以看到的一定要读完！非常非常地helpful的一篇文章！好歹还让我打了这么久，你们也得读一下么。

Source: Epstein, Seymour. 1993. You’re Smarter Than You Think: How To Develop Your Practical Intelligence For Success in Living. New York: Simon & Schuster

 

Before the Exercise:

1.       You interpret or construe the event

2.       You react to the construal with an emotional response

3.       You may then have further thoughts, or secondary mental response

4.       The secondary mental response may produce a change in your emotion

5.       Finally, you will often make a behavioral response

 

Constructive Thinking Exercise

I.                   Common Destructive Construal

1.       Overestimation of significance: Over evaluating the importance of events, as indicated by emotional over reactivity (making mountains out of molehills)

2.       Overgeneralization: Assuming that what happened in one or few situations will happen in almost all situations

3.       Categorical thinking: All-or-none, black-and-white, or polarized thinking

4.       Labeling: Applying labels to people or events and then treating the labels as if they accurately described the whole person or event

5.       Interpreting challenges as threats: Viewing challenging situations in terms of their possible negative consequences rather than positive ones; emphasizing what can be lost rather than what can be gained in a situation

6.       Personalization: Taking things personally; assuming without justification that you are the focus of other people’s attention and behavior

7.       Tyranny of the “should”: Becoming distressed because things are not the way you think they should be

8.       Negative thinking: Interpreting events with negative bias

9.       Naïve optimism: An extreme, unrealistic form of positive bias

10.   Assuming the validity of feelings: Assuming that if you have strong feelings about something, it must be true

11.   Assuming intentionality: Assuming that when someone does something that affects you in a certain way, they intended it to have that effect

12.   Targeting: Finding someone or something to be blame for your distress

13.   Jumping to conclusions: Making hasty judgments on the basis of insufficient evidence

14.   Inappropriate rules of interpretation: Rigid or inaccurate automatic rules for interpreting events

15.   Untestable hypotheses: Beliefs that cannot be shown to be either true of false

 

II.                Common Destructive Secondary Mental Responses

1.       Berating yourself: Finding fault with yourself as a person; telling yourself how stupid, inadequate, or worthless you are

2.       Denial: Refusing to accept as true what you do not wish to believe

3.       Unrealistic thinking: Thinking that would be recognized as inaccurate by a consensus of informed people

 

III.             Common Destructive Behavioral Responses

1.       Attack: Hurting others physically or psychologically

2.       Under controlled emotional expression: Expressing your emotions freely without regard to the consequences (“letting it all hang out”)

3.       Over controlled emotional expression:: Excessive emotional control that interferes with spontaneity and satisfactory relationships with others, and that leads to avoidance rather than resolution of problems

4.       Self-punishment:(我觉得这个就是自虐) Depriving yourself of something desirable or making yourself do something unpleasant as punishment for being a bad person (as contrasted with training yourself not to engage in specific destructive behaviors)

5.       Dependency: Enlisting the aid of others, including seeking advice, in situations where you should be able to rely on your own ability and effort

6.       Excessive independence: Insisting on doing things yourself that could more reasonably and conveniently be done with the help of others

7.       Withdrawal: Disengaging your interest and involvement from a situation when active participation or self-assertion would be appropriate

兽

       我看着我的兽，此刻的它，坐在墙角，黑色的毛发，因为焦躁显得有些零乱，眼睛通红的似乎要滴出血来。我有些时间没有带它出去吃东西了，它安静了一段时间，现在却因为饥饿而发出低沉而愤怒躁动的吠。我看着它，心里有些迟疑，不知该不该带它出去。它闪烁的眼睛却看穿了我的心思，这狰狞的兽就突然变了一副嘴脸，充满的无辜和委屈得看着我，将咆哮压了回去，变成了低低的哀鸣。

       我终究还是牵起它的缰绳，打开门，走了出去，在街上窥伺没有带着他们的兽的人。对面远远过来一个面目清秀的少年，眸子像水般清澈。我暗想，他一定忘记带他的兽了。踟蹰见，不知该不该带上我的兽上前去。

       这时，另外一个女孩子带着他的兽走向了少年。只见那少年与那少女巧言轻笑，甚是融洽，少女甚至傅住了她的兽。那并非一只大兽，此时趴在地上，恨恨的低吠。只是突然间，不知从那里跑来的一只比少女还要巨大的兽，一口吞噬了那少女趴在地上的兽，然后狰狞的扑向那少女。片刻后，地上的血迹也被那兽舔噬干净，那兽得意的打了各饱嗝，然后冲着少年吠了两声。那少年还是那般巧言轻笑，拍拍了拍那兽巨大的头，然后微笑的牵着它离开了。

       我看了看我的兽，庆幸我没有自不量力的放它过去。而我的兽，反而因为刚才的场景更加兴奋躁动了，神经质的低吠不止，露出了尖利的犬牙和血红色的舌头，口水帕塔帕塔的滴在了地上。

       这是对面走来一位和善的老者，我躲在一旁，仔细的看了看他的周围，没有兽的迹象，

旅客朋友们请注意！

      各位站着的旅客朋友们，请你们坐下或者闭嘴。本人的腰很痛，所以请腰不痛的人们坐下或者请闪到一边去。我不想腰痛又头痛。谢谢合作！

      另外，请总是在精神上扒光我生活的衣服的人给我fuck off，你不觉得这样做很无耻么？我本来已经觉得没什么了。您这是什么意思？我觉得每次和你说话都被你扒光了衣服！这是我见过最下三烂的手段！恭喜你！您现在让我对所有人丧失了信任！我不想多说什么了！你欠我一个解释和道歉！请您高抬贵手！放了我吧！求求您让我过个正常人的生活行不行？不要再把我衣服扒光了当猴耍了！顺便请你不要装受害者了！受害者是我！多谢！